encouraging other mamas

Hey, mamas!
There's a quote I've seen floating around Pinterest - "Real queens fix each other's crowns." #kweenz!

Ah, winter. I can't tell you how many times a stranger (usually an older woman) would tell Chris and I how sweet Ben was, then promptly tell us to "make sure we keep him warm!" while Ben was fully clothed, covered in at least one thick blanket, and wearing a hat.
Or, remind me to "make sure I take care of him!" as if I was planning to take him skydiving with me that afternoon or decide to feed him soda instead of formula. The reminder to take care of my own baby always felt like kind of a strange, friendly dis.
I was sitting in a coffee shop with my close friend, and Ben was in his stroller next to me. I was holding up his bottle so he could eat and having a conversation with my friend when one of the employees felt it was necessary to walk all the way over to inform me of something. "He's not eating; the bottle is just sitting on his cheek." she told me, a sort of sympathetic small smile on her face, and I got the impression that she thought I didn't know what I was doing. Ben had just moved his face to look around and the bottle was resting on his cheek for a moment.
Did they think I didn't look capable of taking care of him?
Is it because I'm young?
Did he look sad or uncomfortable?
I've had countless conversations with older moms in my life that have told me similar (and sometimes far worse) stories. A close friend's mom told me about how when her daughter had surgery as a baby, she had to wear a cast, and people would make terrible remarks, asking if she had abused her daughter. It got to the point where leaving the house was unbearable. Chris' mom has told me that other people would tell her that Chris needed to set an example for the other kids because he was older - it wasn't true, he was just very tall but still just a little kid who was still learning for himself. Other mom friends have told me how people in their lives constantly question their totally normal and healthy parenting decisions.
Why is this a thing? It's so common that all moms hear unsolicited and often judgmental comments from others about their own children. A few examples; "You should be breastfeeding. It's not natural to formula feed and you won't bond with your baby." "Was it planned?" "You look so young to be a mom!" "Oh, a C-section? That must have been a lot easier." "Oh, you used an epidural? Going natural is so admirable, it's too bad you couldn't do that." "If my kid was acting like that, he would get a spanking!" "Home births are so much better for you and the baby." "Three boys? Yikes. Are you guys going to try for a girl?" "Vaccines are terrible for your baby. Why would you put something so unnatural in their bodies?" "You're not vaccinating your kids? You're threatening other kids by doing so." "Stay-at-home moms have it so easy." "Working moms probably don't have a very close bond with their kids." Yadda, yadda, yadda. I have either seen examples of these on Facebook mom groups or heard other moms I know explain that people have acted this way towards them. It's so toxic, guys. Next time we get the urge to say something like this, let's think twice. What will the impact of my words be?
"You're breastfeeding. That's amazing, great job!" "Formula fulfills all of baby's nutritional needs - good for you for caring for your baby and making sure she's well-fed!" "You are glowing! What a beautiful young mama." "C-sections are tough. You are so strong!" "That sounds like an amazing birth experience - epidurals can help so much! You are so strong!" (P.S. I had an epidural, and I have no regrets. I couldn't handle the pain anymore, and the epidural totally relaxed my body and helped me dilate more quickly because I was relaxed and not tense!) "Wow, a natural birth! You are so strong!" (See a theme here? Giving birth means you are strong, no matter what!) "The vaccine debate is tough and can seem really scary - you did what you thought was best for your baby, that's freaking awesome." (I wouldn't even bring up vaccines, it can be a very sensitive topic and it's not really that important to know what other moms are doing as far as vaccines go. Just let em do their own thing!) "Staying at home can be really tough, but I think it's awesome that you're able to be hands-on with your kids every day!" "Working as a mom can be so hard. You're showing your kids an awesome example of hard work and dedication!" (I have seen something similar to this floating around the internet - examples of encouragements for the hard topics or judged topics of motherhood. These are some of my examples of positive remarks you can make if necessary!)
I don't know about you, but I'm in the business of reminding other moms that they're doing just fine. Let's lift each other up, guys! Tell a mom you know that she is amazing today.

out and about essentials (diaper bag and car!)

My diaper bag is a big Petunia Pickle Bottom bag that Chris' amazing California mom (Go Heather!) thrifted for $2.99 - Heather is my thrift shop icon and she is all-around amazing. Here is a photo of my exact diaper bag / purse (I just  toss everything into it and go!)

Turns out you can buy it here on Poshmark! It is large, and it holds all of my essentials - and then some!
I wanted to make a little list of things to remember if you're going out and about for more than an hour or so. The salon that Chris and I both manage is almost an hour away, and usually I take Ben out to get supplies or check in about twice or three times each week! These are things I would bring while I'm going out to the salon, taking Ben to a playdate, or going on a shopping day or a day that I know we're going to be out and about.
1. The very basic essentials. I figured I would put this in as a basic checklist for things to make sure you have! Bring diapers (if your baby is a newborn, bring about 4! Might seem like overkill but Ben used to poop like every 2 hours. Now I just make sure to have around 2-3.) I am currently in a "trying every kind of diaper" phase - right now Ben is sporting a size 4 in Pampers (it's the kind for Little Movers I think?) But over the past few weeks we've tried two different kinds of Huggies and Luvs! The Luvs lost, Huggies came in second, and these Pampers Little Movers are winning for me. A small pack of wipes are definitely essential. (Does anyone else use normal wipes to wipe off their baby's face sometimes? I do. Does that make me a horrible mom? Oh well. I try.) Back when Ben was still nursing, I always packed my manual pump if I didn't have some milk stocked up. My milk supply loved to jump around, so I never knew if I would have an extra supply in the fridge! I actually preferred my manual pump sometimes - I was ridiculous and never bought a pumping bra (definitely on my list for next time we decide to have a baby!) so I would just be sitting like a fool holding two suction things up to my ladies. It was uncomfortable and I couldn't do anything except just sit there! Now, I use my "mobile" formula (I like to keep a small can in my diaper bag at all times just to be safe! We use Enfamil A+R right now. Also, bring an extra onesie. (Blowouts are scary, guys.) That's pretty much it as long as the TRUE essentials go. Now, here's the fun stuff!
2. A carseat mirror THANG.
This is the exact one that I use right here!

These things are super handy. You just attach it to the seat in front of your rear-facing baby, and you are able to watch their every move. It was especially reassuring when he was a newborn and I was a very inexperienced new mom! Once Chris went back to work and it was just Ben and I during the day, I was afraid that if I took my eyes off him for a minute, he would break! It helped me have peace of mind during car rides. Also, these are nice because they can play music and such. I think the one we have has a light? (Truth: Mine has never even had the batteries in it. I'm lazy when it comes to actually putting batteries in things Many of Ben's toys that are supposed to have lights and music still don't have batteries, or I've let the batteries run out. Whoops! #neversaidiwasperfect)

2. Bring a stuffed animal or a toy. 

Okay, this may seem obvious, but I can't tell you how many times I have been at an appointment or driving or at the grocery store when Ben gets a little bored and I am not entertaining enough anymore for him. I'm talking the little bit of fidgety at the very end of the shopping trip or car ride when he's just not feeling it anymore. Ben LOVES stuffed animals, especially bears. It's so sweet because he just grabs them and shoves his face into their fur. *heart warms* He also loves any little toy he can stick his fingers in and shake around. I actually had the BRILLIANT idea to keep a little bin in my car with some various inexpensive toys in my car so I can have some little things for him to touch and look at in the car, but it's not a tragedy if we lose it during a shopping trip. (This is not brilliant, I was just kidding.) This is why getting the La Sophie Giraffe is so hard for me to stomach. Every time we see it in Target, I want it. MAN do I want that little giraffe, but I can't stomach the cost. I know either I or Ben would lose it (we're kind of hot messes.) and I would be so sad if that happened. We are talking a nearly thirty dollar teething toy here, people! But man do I want that giraffe...

3. Keep a grande iced mocha, half the syrup in your car at all times. 

Okay, this one is KIND OF a joke. But at the same time... not really. I usually find myself guiltily meandering to a Starbucks at some point during my errand running. (I DESERVE this 5 dollar drink, hunny! I deserve it every DAY of mah LIFE! Bring on that dairy!)

4. Bring a burp cloth. 

This one may be obvious to some people, but for me, it never has been! Not until my child began to show some drool rash. (Lovely. I feel like this drool rash is my fault for not being diligent enough with the burp cloths!) Now, my eye is always on his chin - if he has moisture there, here I come with the burp cloth! Because I am, as I previously stated, a hot mess, I would often just use his blanket to wipe off his face. Hello, crusty blanket! Just bring a burp cloth. Make your life easier and a little neater.

Guys! That's it! Some other things I bring just depending on Ben's temperament, and I always love having a playlist stocked with his favorite lullaby songs to play in the car. (Or my mom podcasts! He often falls asleep to those too and I love them he he he!) I hope this is a little helpful to a new mom or a mom who wants to go out more with her baby but she's nervous. I promise it's worth it - I would probably go crazy if it weren't for our car trips to run errands, do a little shopping, do business stuff, or take walks. One, because Ben will nap in the car. If he's not napping at home and it's getting to the point where a nap needs to happen, to Target we go. Two, because I get the sense that Ben is a little like me - he loves to be social and he loves to be out and about. He always seems to like walking around stores or downtown and checking out all there is to see. Try it out, nervous new mamas! I promise that even if your little baby screams throughout the entire thing, you will both recover and eventually it will be a blast going on mini dates with your mini human. 

Love,

Megan

raising a good man

I look into Ben’s big, blue, curious eyes. They’re full of joy, innocence, and love when they stare back at me. He smiles, wiggles, and laughs. When we went to grab sundaes last night, he would barely take his eyes off the dogs that were scampering around, mesmerized. His little body is tiny and soft and fits perfectly snuggled in my arms. Walking around the grocery store with me, he is captivated by the colors, lights, and me making funny faces. I can’t picture him ever being anything but kind and joyful. 

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how raising a boy in our culture is not a responsibility to be taken lightly. I remember in junior high - the 8th grade boy who would touch every girls’ butt without asking - like it was a joke and his right to do so. He was popular, and many of the cooler girls liked him, so standing up to him and getting angry seemed futile. I remember other boys making comments about my friends and I. I remember slowly realizing that our bodies weren’t just vessels that let us move, jump, run, or play. They symbolized something else to some of the guys, and that felt very strange and made middle school a very self conscious time. 

This year, the #metoo movement circulated the internet. Tens of thousands of women used their voices and came forward with their truth - they had been assaulted by a man who didn’t have permission. It showed the nation that there was something wrong - famous men who had powerful positions in Hollywood or business had been doing something very wrong and getting away with it for years. 

Last year, in my own state, at a university only about forty five minutes away, over a hundred gymnasts came forward. They were victims of sexual assault - the doctor in charge of the gymnastics program for years had been inappropriately touching the gymnasts - some very young girls at the time - for years. This man was an Olympic team doctor, and leading people in the gymnastics community and at the university had known of the abuse, which Nassar claimed to be a part of his medical examination and physical therapy. 

These stories are scary. Raising a good man is essential to me when I look at Ben - I’m sure that many of the mothers of these men had stared into their big, curious eyes as they were babies. I’m sure that many of them wished that their son would be a respectful and kind person as he grew. 

This is not by any means a claim that all men are bad - that is the farthest thing from true. I have been so fortunate in my life - the vast majority of men in my life have been good men. Believing that men are all pigs is ignorant and simply not a good way to live. But I have become aware, especially in recent years, that showing Ben that women are equals and here to be respected and loved as people, not objects, is a drastically important lesson. I will show him this by respecting myself and other women, and lift the women in my life up instead of tearing them down. I hope other mothers encourage the same message. Let’s stop this cycle of secrets and abuse that runs rampant in our culture and start by teaching our sons respect and love.

chasing dreams

Dreams have always been a constant in my life. Ever since I was a young girl, I couldn’t help but imagine myself in various roles as I “grew up”.  I saw myself as a hot dog vendor (probably one of the stranger ideas my young mind dreamt of) an interior designer, a stylist, an artist, a public relations specialist, a business owner, and many other positions. When I started college, I decided that communications would be a good bet - I loved talking to people and I loved its versatility, because I knew that my passions could change and that a new dream could always make its way to the forefront. 

After my first semester at a university, I switched to a community college. While at that school, I dreamt of taking a semester off and living in Budapest with my best friends. I thought that perhaps I should start some sort of coffee shop co-op at some point. Then, I began to think that maybe nursing would be a good career path for me. I had a difficult time sticking to any specific plan or role - the minute I would decide that THIS is going to be my plan, something would either fall through or a new idea would emerge. It became confusing for some of my family - I think people had a frustrating time following with all of my whims. I had a hard time following them - my mind was often racing or distracted, thinking of my future and how I wanted it to look - who I wanted to be then. I was often all-consumed with my next plan - I have a distinct memory of sitting in a biology lecture, not paying any attention to mitosis or telophase or whatever we were learning about, and flipping through inexpensive apartments in Budapest, texting links to my friends to check them out for themselves. College was a dream of mine, and there I was, wasting it away, waiting for the next dream to come to fruition.

My life took another turn when I became friends with a guy in my classes. He was a little older, full of interesting stories and tons of humor. He was from California, and his relaxed, sweet demeanor and edgy humor captivated me. Slowly, dreams began to form around he and I. Some of those dreams have become realities - we are parents to a wild little 7 month old baby boy, and we are still very much in love. 

One thing about falling in love and having a baby that changed me was that now I have two people that I stick to. I’m not this little cloud, floating away, filled with dreams with none of them truly taking root. I draw strength from these new relationships, and they keep me more planted than I have been in many years. Learning to become a mother has taught me this patience and calm that I haven’t really known before - I still think of many ideas that I would love to see play out one day, but it’s taught me to be content with exactly what’s at hand.

occasional superhero

I wrote this piece about a month ago and had it in my Documents, and I found it today. Ah, the joys of being the Cleaner of the Poo.

I sit down, gathering my lunch together and all of my painting supplies for the commission I’ve been slowly finishing for the last couple of weeks - “I need to finish this today.” I tell myself this, knowing that the more I put it off to clean or unpack or run errands, the more chance I will end up finishing it late and having an unhappy new client.

I look over at our five month old, Benjamin, who is adorably playing with his brand new bouncy seat in a diaper, his little legs dangling down while he’s hunched over a toy on the seat. So sweet and content. I look down and try to brainstorm ideas for the project I need to finish. Then, I look over again, this time noticing it - the big, swirly pile of poop that Ben’s feet are dangling and tracing through, some on the floor, most on the toy. 

Deep breath.

The new toy’s seat is filled with poop, and as I lay Benjamin down on his changing table, I realize his feet and legs are covered with the stuff. Naturally, he grabs his hands and now his hands are coated too - his hands he loves munching on.

Deep breath.

As I get him ready to slip into a warm bath to clean him off, my mind jumps around. We are in the process of moving, so there are boxes and messes everywhere. Our dog has been acting up (aka, pooping and digging through the trash) ever since Ben was born, and sometimes I don’t feel like I can handle his energy anymore. The dynamic in my own family is constantly changing ever since my parents decided to separate. My old friendships are changing - it’s hard to relate to your friends when they’re in school, working, and living their young lives up while I’m cleaning poopy diapers, cuddling with a baby, and folding laundry all day. My wonderful fiancé and I are still having a hard time keeping up with our small business while he works full time and I am both trying to manage it and take care of a baby during the day. 

Deep breath.

Similar to the wreckage Benjamin made in his brand new plastic, toy-adorned bouncy seat earlier today, sometimes life as new parents can feel like a rollercoaster going off its tracks - it’s difficult to keep up with so many new changes and responsibilities. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, and I like to be a total Wonder Woman, able to stay on top of everything and have it all together. Excellent mama, clean house, perfect relationship, great friendships, looking put together all while pursuing my passions and helping out for our family in whatever way I can. The problem with this is, I am not a superhero. Today, I was a pooper-hero - I cleaned up both my child and the bouncy seat in record time - but our entire house is still a mess and I still haven’t finished the painting commission I have to do. I think for today, the only thing I can do is take some deep breaths and realize that I may never be a perfect superhero, but I can accomplish and be the hero in little ways for my family.

my dinner hacks

In my journey of becoming a mama, I have transformed my cooking abilities and become quite the fan of home cooked meals. A couple of years ago, I went out almost every night with my friends for dinner, spent a ton of money for no reason, and hadn't really acquired skills to make much of anything besides eggs, smoothies, and the OCCASIONAL dinner.
Now, I love cooking. Unless we have a special date planned at a nice restaurant with good food, eating while we're out and about is kind of a disappointment. I often feel kind of gross after eating takeout, and it just doesn't taste as satisfying to me as when we have a meal at home.
Over the past year or so, I've developed some "meal planning" (I'm using that term very loosely here because I don't exactly plan - my system is a complex and VERY (sarcasm) thought out tossing of items into a cart and making it up as I go) hacks that I use every week. I'm no expert - I will be the very first to tell you that - but I definitely have some quick dinner fixes up my sleeve for a busy day or a day where I don't really feel like going all out with dinner.
1. Stock up on some essentials.
I keep extra whole wheat pasta in the pantry, frozen veggies, and frozen meat if we need a meal and don't have things on hand. If you're in a pinch and don't get the chance to go grocery shopping, it's a relief to peek in your pantry or freezer and realize you have the ingredients for a staple meal on hand. You'll be thinking, "Go me! I'm such a freaking good planner. I deserve ten pats on the back." as you frizzle up a little pasta or chicken breasts.
2. Smoked sausage.
Smoked sausage is a beautiful creation. I know it's not the healthiest protein source (sodium y'all what whaaaat!) but it is delicious, inexpensive, and makes a meal quickly. My favorites? I'll sauté some cut smoked sausage with pierogis in olive oil for our main course, or bake it in a dish with red potatoes and peppers. It can go in any pasta to add protein or with any veggies. So good! Also, they have turkey versions and lower sodium alternatives.
3. Do a LITTLE planning.
I'm not a solid meal planner. I'm sort of a flexible "here's what we will most likely be having this week at some point" planner. I often don't even make a list, I'll just go to the grocery store and pick up things that sound good and brainstorm while I'm there. (I kinda like grocery shopping so this is kind of fun for me.) Have some staple meals in your head, and go from there. Pinterest is my friend when it comes to thinking outside the box for meals. Last week, I made a super simple dinner using turkey lunchmeat, a little cream cheese, and crescent rolls. We had a veggie on the side and WHAM BAM BALAM! A simple, super-easy, Superbowl-party-esque meal was born.
4. Olive oil forever.
Take ANY fresh vegetable. Dice it, slice it. Throw it in a pan with a little bit of olive oil, salt, and pepper, and sauté it. A delicious serving of veggies with a gourmet spin! You can do the same with chicken or sausage.
5. Don't overthink it!
You don't need to make some sort of state of the art, gourmet meal to feed your family a really delicious and healthy meal. Just go with some basics and you got this!
PEACE!
Megan

how to stay sane during the newborn stage

Hey mamas! It's almost Mother's Day! I hope that you all have an amazing, pampered, day full of doing what you love.
Ah, the newborn stage. It's can be the sweetest, quietest, and loveliest time when you're snuggled up with a sleeping newborn on your chest and a hot chocolate next to you watching a movie. It can also be a nightmare when you're covered (yes, covered) in sticky breast milk, your hormones are raging, your hair hasn't been washed in days,  you are surrounded by laundry, baby toys, and dishes, you're still sore form giving birth, and you have a tiny, confusing and fragile person screaming in your face. Let's just say the combination of that scene I just described and lack of sleep made for a very rage-filled Megan sometimes. (I'm sorry Chris.)

thought this might help paint a picture.

I wanted to write a little guide on some of my favorite ways to make myself feel like me again during the newborn stage. These are practical things - I know some young mamas don't have someone to watch the baby while they go get a mani pedi or a massage. These are simple little ways that you can make yourself refreshed while doing normal life things.
1. Get out of the house. We took Ben out to grocery stores, the mall, or for walks when he was mere weeks old. We were living in a tiny little third floor apartment for the first 4 months of his life, and it could make me stir crazy in just a few hours with the thin walls, especially if he was crying and I knew that other people in the building could hear. It helped me to just get him bundled up and go to Target, or even just drive around and grab myself a mocha and listen to music.
2. During nap time, do something you enjoy. For many of us, the whole "Sleep when the baby is sleeping, honey bun!" advice that you receive just doesn't stick. There's worrying that the baby is sleeping safely, a messy house, and heaps of laundry to fold because... BLOWOUTS. (That being said, if you can take a nap with baby... DO IT. YOU NEED IT. SLEEP.) Take 10 or 20 minutes to sit down with a journal to write what's stressing you out, or stretch. Call a friend, paint a picture, write a poem, eat some cheese. Whatever makes you happy and makes you feel like you can handle the day.
3. Make cleaning fun. When baby is ready for a nap, put him or her in their bassinet and turn on their mobile and the baby monitor. Close the door and turn on some music while you clean. Some of the ways I love making cleaning fun are playing music, listening to podcasts, or setting a timer for myself to try and speed clean as much as I can in a half an hour.
4. If you're feeling up to it, go for a walk. Find a nature trail or a nice park that you love, grab your favorite coffee, and take your baby for a walk in the stroller. Getting outside and getting a breath of fresh air always helps me feel recharged again. I know this was tough for me at times because it was cold, so it doesn't always work for everyone. If that's the case, go for a walk at the mall or at Target!
5. LISTEN TO PODCASTS! I will probably talk about my podcast obsession too frequently on this blog, but you guys... These helped me a lot. I felt like no one I was really close to really understood what I was going through - luckily, I have found a few really amazing mom friends and we can ask each other questions or share stories, but sometimes it's amazing to just listen to mom podcasts while you're cleaning to feel like you have community. (Coffee + Crumbs and the Mom Hour are my favs!) You can listen to podcasts anywhere and any time, so try it out yourself! You might love it.
6. If you're able to, get ready for the day. Eat breakfast, put a little makeup on, wear something comfortable that makes you feel cute, and enjoy it. I know that when Ben was a newborn, I did this sometimes but a lot of the time, I didn't eat enough and I would feel stay sloppy all day. It made me feel like I never had a routine, and not eating enough kept me crabby.
I hope you're doing okay, mommas with newborns. It can be totally amazing, but it's also not easy! Lack of sleep by itself really impacts me, and if you add in a whole lot of change and responsibility, it can be a recipe for disaster. Make sure to put a little time in for you during naps or before bed.
You've got this, and you're an amazing mama!
Love,
megan (the early bird MAMACITAAAA!)

what we can learn from babies

I know what you're thinking - Come on, Megan! WE teach babies! They don't even know how to talk before us moms come along! Okay, okay, I hear you. But I think as we grow and stretch and conform ourselves to social norms or the ways of the world, we forget some of the amazing wisdom we know when we are babies. Babies are pros at having fun, letting loose, and being themselves. Here's a little list of things that we can learn (or re-learn, I guess?) from our babies.

1. Farting is NBD. I wanted to start off with this one because I think Ben is a big believer in this principle. Babies fart loud and proud, and they burp and smile like 20 times a day! Now, farts are these embarrassing, polarizing things that make us feel gross and ashamed. Let it out, guys. If it feels good, fart a little bit. (Okay, don't fart in peoples faces and don't fart at people. But also, don't be embarrassed because you have normal bodily functions!) 

2. Dancing is so fun. My baby dances. He really does! When I turn on a song and start dancing and singing along, he cracks a huge smile and starts shaking and bouncing and flinging his arms all over the place. It encourages me to dance to make him dance, and it's fun! I think we get embarrassed that we aren't as talented as Beyoncé or a Dance Mom daughter, and we decide that we don't want to make a fool out of ourselves. Two things: Screw anyone who makes fun of your moves, and dance anyway!

3. Seeing the people you love is exciting. When I smile at Ben, his whole face breaks out in a huge grin. It's my favorite smile in the world. When Chris gets home and plays with Ben, he laughs and smiles and coos. He's always so happy to see us, and it feels so good to feel so loved by someone so tiny and sweet. 

4. Asking for help is okay. This is one I need to learn sometimes, because I tend to have a "I can do all of this by myself, so I don't need to ask anyone to help me out" mentality. Then, I get stressed and cranky at the people around me because they aren't mind readers and I actually do need help! Babies need help with everything, even wiping their tiny bottoms. (Luckily I don't need any help with that yet.) It's okay to ask someone you trust for help with something. 

5. Stay curious! I have never seen anyone more curious than Ben. When we are walking around Target, he has his eyes glued to the colors and lights around him. If something is remotely close to him, he grabs it, inspects it, and pops it right into his mouth. I don't recommend that, but being curious about your surroundings is always good.

6. Forgive and forget; live in the moment. Here comes a bad mom moment! One time, during the midst of our move, Ben was sitting in his carseat. He was not buckled in, and I didn't realize the handle wasn't locked. I picked it up, and he toppled onto the carpet. It was not a far fall, but he got really upset and so did I. I felt like a terrible mom, and I cried. I hate seeing him get hurt, it's the worst thing in the world to me. After I snuggled him and cried about it for a few minutes, he stopped crying and smiled again. He wasn't mad at me. He was back to investigating his surroundings and smiling at me. How wonderful is that? I still can feel my heart pounding when I realized that the car seat didn't feel right when I started to pick it up, but he has forgotten and does not dwell on it or not trust me to pick him up anymore.  (I know babies can't really help it, but I think it's a nice thing to learn from.)

7. Food is good. Eat when you're hungry. 'Nuff said.

There are probably about a million more little things we can learn from babies and their actions. I find Ben to be inspiring to me even at 6 months. I hope you all gained a little perspective (toot toot!) from reading this.

Love,

Megan! (aka Early Bird Mama!)

motherhood and social media

Hey mamas! 

I wanted to write about the balance of motherhood and social media today. I am sure I'm not the only one who sometimes finds themselves scrolling through Instagram while Ben is playing in front of me. I'll catch myself mindlessly looking at photos and realize that Ben may be wiser than I am - he is having fun with the circumstances right in front of him. If I am talking to him and playing, I have his full, gummy-grin attention. He is always in the moment. How beautiful is that? Why does that innocent curiosity with the world around us often fade? Part of it, I believe, is because we live in SUCH a distracting world. You can't drive ten miles up the freeway without seeing 5 different billboards advertising McDonald's breakfast sandwiches or giving a cheerful slogan for a new bank down the road. You can't log in to Facebook without being bombarded with the amazing trip that Shirley from 8th grade is going on, or some guy sharing his extreme pro-Trump opinions, with a long and anger-inducing debate in the comments.

So, back to Benjamin and his amazing focus on exactly what's happening right in front of him - why don't I always give him the same attention? Sure, sometimes when he's awake and playful I need to clean something, make a phone call, or I get the chance to read or do the laundry. I can't always be staring at him and be his pillow, but why do I get caught up in my News Feed, watching random Facebook videos that aren't really all that entertaining? 

This is not an article to make anyone feel insecure about their social media use - I think it's a lot of fun to take beautiful photos and post them on Instagram. I also am a hardcore Pinterest addict - I find everything from recipes to crafts to hair tips to quotes to advice for how to speak to your child when they're sad on there, and I have no plans to delete it!

Maybe this has all just been a huge rant. But I know that I don't want Ben to be clutching a shiny iPhone in a 4 year old fist because Mommy has one too. I don't want him to scroll through Instagram at 10 years old, seeing things that he doesn't understand or words that are hurtful or stumbling on a webpage that could affect how he sees the world or respects women. I've thought of some ideas to limit my own social media use around Ben, and just in general in my life, and maybe it will give you some food for thought. 

1. Only use social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or if you use Twitter) during nap time or sleep time. With the exception of taking pictures or responding to more urgent texts or calls, I'd like to start setting the phone down so he doesn't get used to seeing me with a phone in front of my face, and I don't become comfortable with scrolling through News Feed while he's learning to crawl or saying "mama" for the first time.

2. Each week, take one or two social media apps off my phone and rotate them through the week. Maybe on Monday it's Instagram, then Tuesday I don't touch Facebook. Those are typically my most frequently used ones.

3. Set a timer for a few hours and make sure to not open any social media apps. If your partner is trying to get a hold of you or you have to call the doctor, use your phone - but set a timer and mentally remind yourself to not look at your phone just because you're "bored".

4. If you find yourself fretting too much over your Instagram feed or what other people are posting on Facebook, take a step back. Who do you have to impress? Who are the core people in your life that you really and truly care what they think of you? For myself, it's definitely not all my followers! It's about 10 people. I can guarantee that those people could not care less if my Instagram feed is #goals #aesthetic. They care if I am being kind, genuine, honest and just staying true to myself.

Once again, this is not a post to make anyone feel insecure about their social media use. Especially if you're a stay at home mom, sometimes being at home with a baby all day can feel a little isolated and it's easy to find community online - I'm not denying that by any means. If I was, I wouldn't be blogging right now, right?! This is simply a mental check to not think too much about what people think of you online, and to stay in the moment and enjoy the people right in front of you.

Love,

Megan (aka early bird MAMA!)

what is being a young mom like?

Well, for every young mom it’s different. Some of us have support, many don’t. Some of us have a partner that is supportive, some don’t. Here’s what being a young mom is like for me. 

It’s sitting on the bathroom toilet in Canton, staring at Chris with wide eyes because the test had two lines. It’s laughing excitedly on the way to the grocery store to pick up another pregnancy test, just to be sure. Maybe two. It’s me nervously and slowly telling the people I’m close to, and getting mixed reactions. It's knowing that I'm probably now a topic of conversation for the people that went to my high school. It’s feeling really insecure, ashamed and embarrassed about other people's opinions for a little while, then deciding that I don't really give a shit - this is what's happening in my life, and it doesn't really matter if other people talk about it. It’s Chris and I postponing our plans to move out to California, and it’s us being really sad about that. It’s feeling scared and sad. A lot. It’s throwing up in Chris’ truck multiple times because we couldn’t stop fast enough. It’s throwing up on the way to the bathroom during my college art class. It’s feeling kind of secretly sad that our baby is going to be a boy. It’s being so excited to meet our little baby boy. It’s switching my job because I can’t keep up with lack of sleep and a fast pace anymore. It’s eating a full-size Snickers bar every day for months. It’s crying on Chris’s shoulder because pregnancy sucks, and all of my friends are thin and beautiful and I’ve gained almost half my body weight. It’s crying on Chris’ shoulder because the hormones are spiking up my stress and sadness.  It’s going to therapy for the first time in my life. It’s a lot of laying and sitting. It’s laughing about the fact that my belly is so huge that Chris’ XL mens boxers fit tight around my bump. It’s quitting my job. It’s feeling my whole belly flip over because someone is trying to get comfortable. It’s cleaning our entire apartment from top to bottom for someone who won’t even know he’s in an apartment. It’s trying every trick in the book once I hit my due date, including castor oil.

Then, it’s waking up at 3 am and packing a hospital bag. It’s Chris driving us to the hospital at 5 am. It’s my belly contracting, but me not even caring because my heart is racing. It’s being admitted and getting cozy in the hospital room, feeling too excited to be in labor to feel scared that I’m in labor. It’s me never feeling as proud of myself as I did that day, because I pushed and pushed and out flopped a beautiful, screaming, perfect little person. It’s Chris and I, crying, knowing that we had never seen anything so beautiful as our little baby. It’s the lactation nurse trying to make sure my latch is right while the doctor is trying to stitch me up, but I’m not even paying attention because all I can really do is cry and smile and feel light as a feather. It’s two days in the hospital that are a happy, tired blur of Chris and I trying to get a few hours of sleep and get to know Ben. It’s family and friends giving Benjamin love, and showing him what community and support from others looks like. 

It’s coming home, and the first week a blur of nursing, adoring, feeling exhausted out of our minds, and crying. It’s feeling really unsure about the little person in front of us - will he breathe okay if I try to sleep? Is he getting enough food? Does he like us? Is this bassinet safe enough? Will he eventually sleep more than an hour at a time? It’s feeling guilty that I am sad about the fact that I won’t have the young, free, independent stage of my life - someone very tiny and vulnerable needs me now, and I need them. It’s Chris and I taking turns trying to get Ben to go to sleep. It’s Chris going back to work, and me feeling very scared and unsure during the day because I had never really taken care of a baby before this. It’s me eventually getting used to it, and learning to read Ben’s little cues and quirks. Its lots of close snuggles, and lots of holding a tiny hand. 

Then, suddenly, around three months later, it’s a wide, beautiful, gummy smile. It’s starting to get a schedule down. It’s trying to do anything to get that big, sunny smile to come out again. It’s a tiny, funny little giggle that makes us want to tickle him and surprise him to hear it again. It’s Chris and I feeling like we might be getting this whole parenting thing down. It’s sometimes feeling really sad that we didn’t get a long time to just be the two of us. It’s enjoying the time as a little family of three. It’s feeling frustrated sometimes that it can be hard to get anything done. It’s a smiling, funny baby who is very conversational. It’s talking to this little baby in the kitchen in the morning. It’s a little baby who is in love with our dog, Cooper. It’s soaking in his snuggles - the ones where he grabs my head, pulls me close, and gives me little baby kisses and makes little noises while pressed up against my cheek. It’s never wanting those to end. It’s thinking back on how I used to feel embarrassed and ashamed and being angry at myself for ever feeling embarrassed or ashamed that I was growing someone so perfect. It’s loving a life full of little special moments. Being a young mom fills my heart.