because bad days happen

Hey, mamas. I wanted to write to you today about bad days, or when you can't help but feel... funky. (And not in the funky chicken kind of way - in the moldy bread funky kind of way. A little sad, stinky, and fuzzy.) Let me start off by saying this - I am the queen of feeling funky! I have a lot of days where I just feel out of it, sort of down, or frustrated at myself. Sometimes I legitimately get mad at myself for feeling sad. (Which does NOT help, guys. It just makes the issue worse. More on that later...)

I was trying to figure how I wanted to organize this, but I think I do best in lists with this sort of thing - a guide of my personal tips and affirmations when I'm having a bad day. Some of these I came up with myself and some were pieces of advice from my therapist. (Yes - I do see a therapist! It's not a bad thing to talk to someone about your feelings.) I hope that if you're having a bad day, you can read this and find some tips to make your day a little brighter, or put things in a different perspective. Also, keep in mind - this blog is called Meg Half Full because I would love you to leave this page feeling better or more reassured than you did before. It's not because I always feel positive and optimistic - I often do feel happy, but it's not a 24/7 deal. I wish that were the case, but it's most definitely not. I feel negative sometimes, just like anyone else.

• Accept yourself. Right now, you don't feel happy - that's okay. You will have days that are amazing in the future, and some days, you'll feel downright crappy - no matter what you do. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't feel happy all the time - in fact, that's how everyone feels. Accept the fact that you are a human being, and you were given so many different emotions for a reason - anger, sadness, frustration, loneliness - those all factor in to make a complex life and a unique personality.
• Every person - even the Instagram mom with a beautifully decorated home and perfect everything that you can't help but be jealous of - feels plain old sad and upset sometimes. With social media highlighting all of the fun and wonderful times in people's lives, you don't see much of the darker stuff - the times when they worry about money, feel like they don't fit in, feel lonely, feel like a bad mom, the days when they cry because of how stressed or angry they are, having an argument with their partner or if they are struggling with a mental illness. All you see is the colorful, flashy, fun photos - their photos traveling, spending time with their kids and looking like a perfect mom, a heavily (and somehow discreetly) edited selfie or a perfectly arranged photo of their cleaned house. 
• Reach out. Phone a good friend, talk to your partner, ask your own mom about it - talk to someone who knows you and who you can trust. Motherhood can be straight up lonely - even though you are around children all day and they are full of fun and energy, adult conversation and being able to talk to someone who cares about you is crucial. Try to go on a "parents only" night - see if you can find a babysitter, and do something seriously fun - Chris and I tried a zip lining and climbing course in the forest on our last date, and it was SUCH a blast - and cherish it. Sometimes being a mama can be a little monotonous, and it's nice to have a little adventure. You can do this with a friend as well - see if one of your girlfriends can get together and have a night out - grab drinks, go see a movie, get pedicures together, and really just have a good talk. Make the time for this kind of stuff - it's tough, but it will make you a more relaxed mama.
• Take a little time away from social media - I feel like when I go on Facebook, I'm constantly bombarded by unfortunate political articles, pointless arguments, rude comments, and "mom guilt" articles - stuff that's meant to rile people up and have debates in the comment section. On Instagram, sometimes it's all fun to see photos and quotes, but sometimes, it makes me feel bad. I will be sitting in bed, absolutely no makeup on and breaking out with a greasy mop of hair, wearing sweatpants and drinking my third cup of sweetened coffee after struggling with Ben for an hour to take his nap, and then I see these perfectly poised moms taking their children traveling all over the globe, all while being effortlessly beautiful and successful. They're just trying to share photos and show what they're up to, but it makes me feel like I am not living my best life, when I am doing the best I can. 
• Get out in your community! Pack that baby (or children!) up, grab a coffee, and go to library groups, play areas, parks, the store, out for a picnic in a garden. If there's no baby groups in your area, make one! One advantage of Facebook is there are mom groups everywhere - post that you'd love to start up a new group, and I'm sure other mamas will love the chance to meet new friends and get out and about. Plus, when you're around other moms, you don't have to feel self conscious if your little one is having a tough day or you're feeling down - they will most likely understand, and would love to talk to you about their struggles, too.
• Some of my favorite activities to do when I'm feeling down that genuinely make me feel better? Reading a book, exercising or taking a walk outside, baking or cooking something, laying down with Ben and snuggling him and watching a movie (he cracks up when he gets tickled or poked in the belly so we will both be laughing! He also loves to grunt back and forth, that's been a new activity for us), writing about it, drawing, or just running errands and getting out of the house. What doesn't help? Going on my phone, dwelling on my negative mood, and sitting around moping. Force yourself to get dressed, get your little one dressed, and get outside for a walk. (If it's too hot or cold, go walk around a store and talk to your little while they're perched in the cart.)

My recent library choices! I love reading - definitely one of those things that always improves my mood. Also - did I buy this Target "hello fall" mug today? In August? Yes. Yes, I did. And in that mug is a pumpkin spice latte. NO shame!

A recent "just for fun" walk where Ben and I stumbled upon this field of gardens and flowers! Taking a walk can lead to some pretty cool discoveries - and this was just at a normal park/walking trail area.

• Remind yourself of this - whatever stressful or disappointing thing may be circling your mind, that's only happening for a short while. If you're worried about money, paychecks will come in a couple of weeks. If someone lost a job - there are hundreds of positions open right now. If baby isn't sleeping at night - baby will sleep eventually. If you're feeling like you're not at the point in life now where you had imagined yourself to be, enjoy and relish what's happening NOW - who knows what could be happening in the next year. Even if you end up with all your wildest dreams coming true, there will be things about this period in your life you might miss.
• Journal! Each day, write a few sentences. Ask yourself questions. Here are a few prompts that I think are great for journaling at the end of the day...

For the last prompt - don't put "nice, smart, funny" over and over. You are radiant! You are glowing! You are intelligent! You are kindhearted! You are patient! Use different words each day and be intentional about this. Repeat it to yourself when you are feeling sad. For example, I am warm. I am a tenderhearted mother. I glow.

• Last, but not least, if you are continuously feeling down and sad... Talk to a therapist. Most insurance plans cover some sort of therapy. I started seeing a therapist when I was pregnant, and I am so happy that I did. I had some things that I needed to figure out about myself and I just felt very sad and anxious during pregnancy, and it helped me become a better, calmer person today. There is nothing to be ashamed about. I recently spoke with my therapist about how I felt kind of weird seeing a therapist - I was poking around asking her about if people see her about everyday stuff like I need to talk about sometimes, and she kind of laughed and told me that as much as it would be nice to hear how unique I am, she said that she has a lot of mothers come in because they feel stressed, guilty, anxious, or lonely sometimes. It's so much better to get help and talk to someone who can help you through a hard time than be miserable. 

I wanted to write about this for a few reasons - first, because sometimes I enjoy writing things that I think I would love to read. I think it's important to highlight that I, just like any other wild human rampaging around on our planet, have bad days, and I am far from perfect. I also wanted to write this because I read recently that more American parents are depressed than their non parent counterparts. This amazing, earth-shattering page of life we are writing - full of the magic of creating another being and teaching them everything we know, has us feeling downright depressed. The pressure to be perfect is at an all-time high, and it's simply impossible. This crazy time of raising children and wrangling babies needs to be a balance - while you are caring for your children, you have to also be able to take care of yourself enough to feel content with who you are. (Even on the days where you're feeling far less than perfect.) You are doing just fine, mama.

<3,

Megan

passions, creativity, and motherhood

Creativity has always been a cornerstone of who I am - The only time I was placed in timeout in kindergarten was when I was lingering too long in the arts and crafts station of the classroom when we were supposed to be cleaning up. (I think the reason I remember this so vividly was because I cried the entire time I sat in timeout - goody two shoes, anyone?) I loved making cards and writing stories ever since I could put a marker or crayon to paper. One of my mom's favorite creations was a book that I made when I was about four - It was titled something along the lines of "Crody and the Kitten" (For some reason, I loved the name Crody. I think I made it up and thought it was exotic.) I scribbled out pictures and proudly presented my work to my parents, claiming that someday I would write more Crody books - about her saving every kind of baby animal! Sadly, I never made it past my first book - I think it's somewhere at my dad's house, tucked away in a box.

Early on in my short-lived college career, I started my very own personal blog. I'm not sure what the first title was - I probably renamed it about 50 times, but I remember the one that stuck - Attempting Incandescence. I wrote and wrote, played around with its settings, and I became proud of my little space on the internet. I remember writing about fun things to do in my area, my friends and adventures we would take, the seasons that were happening in my life. I deleted the blog sometime last year, not thinking twice about it, but I really regret that - I wish I could read what I had been thinking at that time. It was my little creative space - I was lonely on campus during my first semester of college, and I think I made it to be my getaway from normal life - a place where I could write about my feelings, experiences, and dreams.

I began painting a couple of years ago - I had been experiencing some mental unrest and I wanted something that I could really focus on and forget about everything else. I started off with an old Crayola watercolor set that I found in my old art supplies from years ago, and a sheet of printer paper. It became a fun hobby and a way for me to create an entire world in a few hours. Painting is a kind of therapy for me - even on a terrible, stressful day, you can paint flowers and sun for yourself. I started selling my paintings on Etsy and did so relatively well for a newbie - I would get excited whenever I would see someone order something, and it wasn't because I was getting money for it, but because someone out there was genuinely interested and enjoyed something that I created with my own two hands. There's something special about that feeling.

Ever since I've become a mama, it's tougher and tougher to pursue my creative passions. I'm sure any other mom out there has felt the same way about their own passions and dreams - you are loving each day with your baby and cherishing them, but becoming a mom doesn't take away your own interests. During the day, Ben takes up most of my time and energy, and when I'm not playing with him, changing his diaper, feeding him or just keeping a close watch on him in general, I usually am cleaning, driving and running errands, paying bills, or cooking. (Cooking is another really fun creative thing for me! I didn't start loving it until I was pregnant and Chris and I were living together.)  I love the fact that I'm able to spend time making our house truly a home and teach Ben - being a full time mama is rewarding in a new way every day. That being said, I'm still learning to find a way to explore my creativity and see if something grows from it someday.

So, I signed up for Exhale Creativity. It's a private membership group through the collaborative blog Coffee + Crumbs, and its entire mission is encouraging mothers to pursue their creative abilities alongside being a mother. I'm intimidated, nervous, and so excited about this new adventure - there are creative workshops, artist interviews, writing exercises, lessons, and resources for submitting articles and doing freelance work. I don't know if this will end up becoming anything, but I hope that it makes me a better writer and hopefully encourages me to be more brave in submitting articles to magazines and blogging communities!

No, this is not just one big plug for Exhale - this is me, encouraging you, to pursue your passion in some little way - even through the thick of being a mama. Every day is jam-packed with diaper changes, grocery shopping, cleaning, playing, and just general busy-ness - but what if you could do something each day that made you feel fulfilled in a different realm of your life? If creative works aren't your thing - think about this - what did you love as a child? Was it music? Learning how about trees and bugs? Playing sports with friends? Playing dress-up? Maybe those things can relate to something you can pursue today - learning how to play an instrument, hiking, joining a community team or teaching a class, perhaps sewing your own clothes or starting a fashion blog.

I hope you feel encouraged to start something new this week. And let me tell you (because I always have to remind myself) that you taking time to pursue a dream is not selfish - it's teaching your children to pursue their own dreams and goals one day, too.

money-saving tips for young families

Ahhh, saving money. Ever since my very first job at age 16 waiting tables, I have always been a bit more of a spender. I remember coming home with cash tips in my apron every night with that hard-earned money burning a hole in my pocket. I loved to drive my friends around, getting dinner and ice cream, buying clothes and books just for fun. My best friends and I worked together later on at a church cafe, and I remember my best friend would save almost all of her paychecks - I had no idea how she was able to do so, and always admired that about her. Even today, she has saved quite a little chunk of money for herself even though she doesn't make crazy money - she is still in college, getting her degree as inexpensively as possible and not paying for any big bills, so she will have  little lump of money to start off her young life.

My current "work" situation is a little murky - I mostly stay at home with Ben right now - based on my experience level and current daycare/childcare costs, it honestly is just the most economical and best lifestyle situation for our family right now. I could technically try to find some part-time night job and care for Ben during the day, but we have decided that for our home to function well and for everyone to be their best self, that probably wouldn't be the best decision right now. That being said, I do help Chris run his family's salon. (He works full time and we both use our spare time toward the salon. It's kind of a confusing situation.) It's not exactly a full-time job for me and it doesn't make a lot of money, but I consider that my my main contribution toward our finances. I also sell paintings, but it's not consistent money, and I also blog, which is unpaid but I like to consider it an investment toward future work and writing is a passion for me.

Chris and I have a lot of big dreams and goals for our future - we would both like to  move to the central coast in California this year, finish school at some point in the next few years, and eventually start our own business together. #goals! #excitingconcepts We love being together and we are both passionate about different creative and people-related things. As many of you probably know, dreams and goals often require time, hard work, aaaand money! (Why does everything require money? Gah.) I've recently decided that to start getting our plans for moving truly underway, we both need to buckle down and learn to be serious savers and moneymakers - I've done my research, and I thought I would share with you guys some tips, facts, and all of that JAAAAZZZZZZZ!

• Grocery shop the smart way. No, I'm not talking about spending hours clipping coupons, but find your favorite grocery store and see if they have perks programs. Where I live, we have a chain called Meijer, and that has a perks program where you can find special coupons and discounts through an app. I will get decent coupons (sometimes just $10 dollars off my next purchase!) and little perks right at checkout as "rewards" for shopping there - like $4 dollars off my basket, etc. Also, I like to shop at Aldi for staples and certain items - they're known for being cheaper, and there is no difference when it comes to things like olive oil, sugar, cheeses, milk, etc. I tend to buy my produce and meat at Meijer and staple foods or snack stuff at Aldi.
• Meal plan! I tend to overshop - I do this often, and many food items end up spoiling or not getting used. Really clean out your old food each week and plan out some different meals so that you can shop for specific days. 
• Find local free activities. When we were dating, Chris and I used to go out frequently for dinner, spend way too much money, book hotels for weekend trips, and go shopping. (And go to the casino lol) I used to spend a lot of my money on makeup or clothes, dinners out with friends, and gas money. Now, we spend a lot of nights eating home-cooked food and doing things like taking Ben and Cooper to a field or a park to run around or play. Sometimes we do "at home date nights" where we make something unique and tasty (last time we had fondue!) and rent a movie. When Ben goes to sleep, we have dinner and a movie together and it's special and inexpensive. We have a pool in our neighborhood, the library is my favorite place to find books, and I rarely buy new clothes unless I really need something. Look up local free activities for kids or babies, and you will find loads of ideas! I also love going to the park with my mom friends or taking Ben for walks outside during the day. I definitely still make the occasional unnecessary Target run, but I try to cut down on going to the store just for fun.
• Sell stuff online! I have just started listing things - Chris and I want to move this year, and we have to basically get rid of everything we own because we are driving across the country. Facebook Marketplace is a great way to go, or I use the app letgo to sell things to people in my area. When I sold my car last year, I used Craigslist, which I think is good for bigger items. Just make sure you're meeting with people in a safe and public place and someone either goes with you or knows where you are!
• Garage sale! I am currently planning a garage sale for us - we have a lot of clothes, shoes, baby stuff, decorations, and furniture we have to sell. If you take a look around, you may notice that you've accumulated a bunch of unnecessary items that you never use. Try to plan it when the weather is decent and sell or give away snacks and lemonade at your garage sale to attract more people and reel 'em in! #grownuplemonadestand #mompreneur
• Take a hard look at your finances. Look at your bank statement - how much is coming in and going out? How much do you spend on bills each month? What else is money being spent on? Sometimes it will shock you and make you feel like a big materialistic turd. (I speak from experience so don't feel too bad!) Learn from it, and change your habits! For me, my big problem area really is groceries. I need to consolidate what we need each week and really get better at planning it out and buying certain things in bulk.
• Thrifty and thriving! There are many amazing resale shops out there. My friends and I used to hit up Salvation Army and find the cutest, most unique clothes. Sometimes we would find cute sweaters, vintage dresses, or hilarious crewneck sweatshirts. (I have one that I still wear constantly - it's bright pink with an embroidered wolf and it says "IT'S BEEN A BAD YEAR.") It cracks me up and I can guarantee that no one else will have it! Goodwill is often a gold mine, and there are resale baby shops like Once Upon a Child that sell loads of baby clothes and items for cheap, cheap, cheap.

Hopefully this helped someone out there - debt is not glamorous, and spending more than you need to isn't necessary. I'm still working on this myself, and I have a long way to go. (Guess who has two thumbs and spent $40 dollars at the LIBRARY today for two damaged books? You guessed it - this financial genius.) Try to implement one of these ideas in your life, and slowly work your way through each one. I actually love all of the free activities I am able to find in our area, and I prefer thrifted clothes over buying new most of the time! (I tend to shrink new shirts in the dryer right after I buy them, or spilling something on them! Cute.) Let me know your tips down below - we can save some cash together, ladies! 

Megan