chasing dreams

Dreams have always been a constant in my life. Ever since I was a young girl, I couldn’t help but imagine myself in various roles as I “grew up”.  I saw myself as a hot dog vendor (probably one of the stranger ideas my young mind dreamt of) an interior designer, a stylist, an artist, a public relations specialist, a business owner, and many other positions. When I started college, I decided that communications would be a good bet - I loved talking to people and I loved its versatility, because I knew that my passions could change and that a new dream could always make its way to the forefront. 

After my first semester at a university, I switched to a community college. While at that school, I dreamt of taking a semester off and living in Budapest with my best friends. I thought that perhaps I should start some sort of coffee shop co-op at some point. Then, I began to think that maybe nursing would be a good career path for me. I had a difficult time sticking to any specific plan or role - the minute I would decide that THIS is going to be my plan, something would either fall through or a new idea would emerge. It became confusing for some of my family - I think people had a frustrating time following with all of my whims. I had a hard time following them - my mind was often racing or distracted, thinking of my future and how I wanted it to look - who I wanted to be then. I was often all-consumed with my next plan - I have a distinct memory of sitting in a biology lecture, not paying any attention to mitosis or telophase or whatever we were learning about, and flipping through inexpensive apartments in Budapest, texting links to my friends to check them out for themselves. College was a dream of mine, and there I was, wasting it away, waiting for the next dream to come to fruition.

My life took another turn when I became friends with a guy in my classes. He was a little older, full of interesting stories and tons of humor. He was from California, and his relaxed, sweet demeanor and edgy humor captivated me. Slowly, dreams began to form around he and I. Some of those dreams have become realities - we are parents to a wild little 7 month old baby boy, and we are still very much in love. 

One thing about falling in love and having a baby that changed me was that now I have two people that I stick to. I’m not this little cloud, floating away, filled with dreams with none of them truly taking root. I draw strength from these new relationships, and they keep me more planted than I have been in many years. Learning to become a mother has taught me this patience and calm that I haven’t really known before - I still think of many ideas that I would love to see play out one day, but it’s taught me to be content with exactly what’s at hand.