I sit down, gathering my lunch together and all of my painting supplies for the commission I’ve been slowly finishing for the last couple of weeks - “I need to finish this today.” I tell myself this, knowing that the more I put it off to clean or unpack or run errands, the more chance I will end up finishing it late and having an unhappy new client.
I look over at our five month old, Benjamin, who is adorably playing with his brand new bouncy seat in a diaper, his little legs dangling down while he’s hunched over a toy on the seat. So sweet and content. I look down and try to brainstorm ideas for the project I need to finish. Then, I look over again, this time noticing it - the big, swirly pile of poop that Ben’s feet are dangling and tracing through, some on the floor, most on the toy.
Deep breath.
The new toy’s seat is filled with poop, and as I lay Benjamin down on his changing table, I realize his feet and legs are covered with the stuff. Naturally, he grabs his hands and now his hands are coated too - his hands he loves munching on.
Deep breath.
As I get him ready to slip into a warm bath to clean him off, my mind jumps around. We are in the process of moving, so there are boxes and messes everywhere. Our dog has been acting up (aka, pooping and digging through the trash) ever since Ben was born, and sometimes I don’t feel like I can handle his energy anymore. The dynamic in my own family is constantly changing ever since my parents decided to separate. My old friendships are changing - it’s hard to relate to your friends when they’re in school, working, and living their young lives up while I’m cleaning poopy diapers, cuddling with a baby, and folding laundry all day. My wonderful fiancé and I are still having a hard time keeping up with our small business while he works full time and I am both trying to manage it and take care of a baby during the day.
Deep breath.
Similar to the wreckage Benjamin made in his brand new plastic, toy-adorned bouncy seat earlier today, sometimes life as new parents can feel like a rollercoaster going off its tracks - it’s difficult to keep up with so many new changes and responsibilities. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, and I like to be a total Wonder Woman, able to stay on top of everything and have it all together. Excellent mama, clean house, perfect relationship, great friendships, looking put together all while pursuing my passions and helping out for our family in whatever way I can. The problem with this is, I am not a superhero. Today, I was a pooper-hero - I cleaned up both my child and the bouncy seat in record time - but our entire house is still a mess and I still haven’t finished the painting commission I have to do. I think for today, the only thing I can do is take some deep breaths and realize that I may never be a perfect superhero, but I can accomplish and be the hero in little ways for my family.
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