Creativity has always been a cornerstone of who I am - The only time I was placed in timeout in kindergarten was when I was lingering too long in the arts and crafts station of the classroom when we were supposed to be cleaning up. (I think the reason I remember this so vividly was because I cried the entire time I sat in timeout - goody two shoes, anyone?) I loved making cards and writing stories ever since I could put a marker or crayon to paper. One of my mom's favorite creations was a book that I made when I was about four - It was titled something along the lines of "Crody and the Kitten" (For some reason, I loved the name Crody. I think I made it up and thought it was exotic.) I scribbled out pictures and proudly presented my work to my parents, claiming that someday I would write more Crody books - about her saving every kind of baby animal! Sadly, I never made it past my first book - I think it's somewhere at my dad's house, tucked away in a box.
Early on in my short-lived college career, I started my very own personal blog. I'm not sure what the first title was - I probably renamed it about 50 times, but I remember the one that stuck - Attempting Incandescence. I wrote and wrote, played around with its settings, and I became proud of my little space on the internet. I remember writing about fun things to do in my area, my friends and adventures we would take, the seasons that were happening in my life. I deleted the blog sometime last year, not thinking twice about it, but I really regret that - I wish I could read what I had been thinking at that time. It was my little creative space - I was lonely on campus during my first semester of college, and I think I made it to be my getaway from normal life - a place where I could write about my feelings, experiences, and dreams.
I began painting a couple of years ago - I had been experiencing some mental unrest and I wanted something that I could really focus on and forget about everything else. I started off with an old Crayola watercolor set that I found in my old art supplies from years ago, and a sheet of printer paper. It became a fun hobby and a way for me to create an entire world in a few hours. Painting is a kind of therapy for me - even on a terrible, stressful day, you can paint flowers and sun for yourself. I started selling my paintings on Etsy and did so relatively well for a newbie - I would get excited whenever I would see someone order something, and it wasn't because I was getting money for it, but because someone out there was genuinely interested and enjoyed something that I created with my own two hands. There's something special about that feeling.
Ever since I've become a mama, it's tougher and tougher to pursue my creative passions. I'm sure any other mom out there has felt the same way about their own passions and dreams - you are loving each day with your baby and cherishing them, but becoming a mom doesn't take away your own interests. During the day, Ben takes up most of my time and energy, and when I'm not playing with him, changing his diaper, feeding him or just keeping a close watch on him in general, I usually am cleaning, driving and running errands, paying bills, or cooking. (Cooking is another really fun creative thing for me! I didn't start loving it until I was pregnant and Chris and I were living together.) I love the fact that I'm able to spend time making our house truly a home and teach Ben - being a full time mama is rewarding in a new way every day. That being said, I'm still learning to find a way to explore my creativity and see if something grows from it someday.
So, I signed up for Exhale Creativity. It's a private membership group through the collaborative blog Coffee + Crumbs, and its entire mission is encouraging mothers to pursue their creative abilities alongside being a mother. I'm intimidated, nervous, and so excited about this new adventure - there are creative workshops, artist interviews, writing exercises, lessons, and resources for submitting articles and doing freelance work. I don't know if this will end up becoming anything, but I hope that it makes me a better writer and hopefully encourages me to be more brave in submitting articles to magazines and blogging communities!
No, this is not just one big plug for Exhale - this is me, encouraging you, to pursue your passion in some little way - even through the thick of being a mama. Every day is jam-packed with diaper changes, grocery shopping, cleaning, playing, and just general busy-ness - but what if you could do something each day that made you feel fulfilled in a different realm of your life? If creative works aren't your thing - think about this - what did you love as a child? Was it music? Learning how about trees and bugs? Playing sports with friends? Playing dress-up? Maybe those things can relate to something you can pursue today - learning how to play an instrument, hiking, joining a community team or teaching a class, perhaps sewing your own clothes or starting a fashion blog.
I hope you feel encouraged to start something new this week. And let me tell you (because I always have to remind myself) that you taking time to pursue a dream is not selfish - it's teaching your children to pursue their own dreams and goals one day, too.
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