I was trying to figure how I wanted to organize this, but I think I do best in lists with this sort of thing - a guide of my personal tips and affirmations when I'm having a bad day. Some of these I came up with myself and some were pieces of advice from my therapist. (Yes - I do see a therapist! It's not a bad thing to talk to someone about your feelings.) I hope that if you're having a bad day, you can read this and find some tips to make your day a little brighter, or put things in a different perspective. Also, keep in mind - this blog is called Meg Half Full because I would love you to leave this page feeling better or more reassured than you did before. It's not because I always feel positive and optimistic - I often do feel happy, but it's not a 24/7 deal. I wish that were the case, but it's most definitely not. I feel negative sometimes, just like anyone else.
- Accept yourself. Right now, you don't feel happy - that's okay. You will have days that are amazing in the future, and some days, you'll feel downright crappy - no matter what you do. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't feel happy all the time - in fact, that's how everyone feels. Accept the fact that you are a human being, and you were given so many different emotions for a reason - anger, sadness, frustration, loneliness - those all factor in to make a complex life and a unique personality.
- Every person - even the Instagram mom with a beautifully decorated home and perfect everything that you can't help but be jealous of - feels plain old sad and upset sometimes. With social media highlighting all of the fun and wonderful times in people's lives, you don't see much of the darker stuff - the times when they worry about money, feel like they don't fit in, feel lonely, feel like a bad mom, the days when they cry because of how stressed or angry they are, having an argument with their partner or if they are struggling with a mental illness. All you see is the colorful, flashy, fun photos - their photos traveling, spending time with their kids and looking like a perfect mom, a heavily (and somehow discreetly) edited selfie or a perfectly arranged photo of their cleaned house.
- Reach out. Phone a good friend, talk to your partner, ask your own mom about it - talk to someone who knows you and who you can trust. Motherhood can be straight up lonely - even though you are around children all day and they are full of fun and energy, adult conversation and being able to talk to someone who cares about you is crucial. Try to go on a "parents only" night - see if you can find a babysitter, and do something seriously fun - Chris and I tried a zip lining and climbing course in the forest on our last date, and it was SUCH a blast - and cherish it. Sometimes being a mama can be a little monotonous, and it's nice to have a little adventure. You can do this with a friend as well - see if one of your girlfriends can get together and have a night out - grab drinks, go see a movie, get pedicures together, and really just have a good talk. Make the time for this kind of stuff - it's tough, but it will make you a more relaxed mama.
- Take a little time away from social media - I feel like when I go on Facebook, I'm constantly bombarded by unfortunate political articles, pointless arguments, rude comments, and "mom guilt" articles - stuff that's meant to rile people up and have debates in the comment section. On Instagram, sometimes it's all fun to see photos and quotes, but sometimes, it makes me feel bad. I will be sitting in bed, absolutely no makeup on and breaking out with a greasy mop of hair, wearing sweatpants and drinking my third cup of sweetened coffee after struggling with Ben for an hour to take his nap, and then I see these perfectly poised moms taking their children traveling all over the globe, all while being effortlessly beautiful and successful. They're just trying to share photos and show what they're up to, but it makes me feel like I am not living my best life, when I am doing the best I can.
- Get out in your community! Pack that baby (or children!) up, grab a coffee, and go to library groups, play areas, parks, the store, out for a picnic in a garden. If there's no baby groups in your area, make one! One advantage of Facebook is there are mom groups everywhere - post that you'd love to start up a new group, and I'm sure other mamas will love the chance to meet new friends and get out and about. Plus, when you're around other moms, you don't have to feel self conscious if your little one is having a tough day or you're feeling down - they will most likely understand, and would love to talk to you about their struggles, too.
- Some of my favorite activities to do when I'm feeling down that genuinely make me feel better? Reading a book, exercising or taking a walk outside, baking or cooking something, laying down with Ben and snuggling him and watching a movie (he cracks up when he gets tickled or poked in the belly so we will both be laughing! He also loves to grunt back and forth, that's been a new activity for us), writing about it, drawing, or just running errands and getting out of the house. What doesn't help? Going on my phone, dwelling on my negative mood, and sitting around moping. Force yourself to get dressed, get your little one dressed, and get outside for a walk. (If it's too hot or cold, go walk around a store and talk to your little while they're perched in the cart.)
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| My recent library choices! I love reading - definitely one of those things that always improves my mood. Also - did I buy this Target "hello fall" mug today? In August? Yes. Yes, I did. And in that mug is a pumpkin spice latte. NO shame! |
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| A recent "just for fun" walk where Ben and I stumbled upon this field of gardens and flowers! Taking a walk can lead to some pretty cool discoveries - and this was just at a normal park/walking trail area. |
- Remind yourself of this - whatever stressful or disappointing thing may be circling your mind, that's only happening for a short while. If you're worried about money, paychecks will come in a couple of weeks. If someone lost a job - there are hundreds of positions open right now. If baby isn't sleeping at night - baby will sleep eventually. If you're feeling like you're not at the point in life now where you had imagined yourself to be, enjoy and relish what's happening NOW - who knows what could be happening in the next year. Even if you end up with all your wildest dreams coming true, there will be things about this period in your life you might miss.
- Journal! Each day, write a few sentences. Ask yourself questions. Here are a few prompts that I think are great for journaling at the end of the day...
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For the last prompt - don't put "nice, smart, funny" over and over. You are radiant! You are glowing! You are intelligent! You are kindhearted! You are patient! Use different words each day and be intentional about this. Repeat it to yourself when you are feeling sad. For example, I am warm. I am a tenderhearted mother. I glow.
I wanted to write about this for a few reasons - first, because sometimes I enjoy writing things that I think I would love to read. I think it's important to highlight that I, just like any other wild human rampaging around on our planet, have bad days, and I am far from perfect. I also wanted to write this because I read recently that more American parents are depressed than their non parent counterparts. This amazing, earth-shattering page of life we are writing - full of the magic of creating another being and teaching them everything we know, has us feeling downright depressed. The pressure to be perfect is at an all-time high, and it's simply impossible. This crazy time of raising children and wrangling babies needs to be a balance - while you are caring for your children, you have to also be able to take care of yourself enough to feel content with who you are. (Even on the days where you're feeling far less than perfect.) You are doing just fine, mama.
<3,
Megan
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